Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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