Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
