dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
