Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
