dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
