so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
