he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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