Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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