i think my mom watched the whole time
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
