On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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