okay pat passed out under dana's car
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
