Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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