just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
