Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I didn't notice because vodka
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He did a backflip because drugs
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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