3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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