Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just google imaged poop.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
