i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
