I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
