All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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