omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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