im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
