oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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