also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
