He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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