My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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