My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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