I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
