Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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