he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
