nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize