Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
