Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
