never play flip cup with pint glasses
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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