Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
