she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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