this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish you could order shots online.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I woke up under a house in Key West
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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