You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
