I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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