I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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