these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you never un-have a 4some
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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