after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
