I was born with a shot glass in my hand
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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