new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
