My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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