im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
