my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
