butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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