it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
