Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
