If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
