I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
