Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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