I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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