also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
