Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
