So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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