Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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