I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize