last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
