Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
