I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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