I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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