I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
