Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
