The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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