Do you still have your period?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
