I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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