You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
