I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
