what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
