Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
