Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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